Many winds but One Voice

I've been thinking this week about listening to God's voice and the Presence of God. I've been feeling a bit spiritually dry the last few weeks and struggling to hear the Lords voice. Being in a new environment without the familiarity of people you know well and starting a new course, I've found myself doing a lot of thinking. Thinking about where God is taking me next in life. Thinking about the wonderful things I'm learning on the course. It is easy to find oneself drifting into thinking about the future or abstract things and not enjoying the moment.

Last weekend I was wrestling with lots of ideas about engaging with community and mission and what I'd read and heard about this. Whatever I do in the future I want to learn to engage with my community. To live out the gospel not with words but action, with everyday people on the street, my neighbours, the sick, the tired, the poor (spiritually, physically…) and whatever community God puts me in. I was thinking about all the different ways of doing community and wrestling with all the different ideologies I'd been learning in my module on Spirit and Church in a Mission Context. I'd been researching different approaches to church; seeker-sensitive, New Monasticism etc.. and also looking at Church history and its affect on mission and New Testament passages on these things. It was all fascinating stuff. But one night I realised "I just need your voice Lord!"

I found myself saying, "Lord its all very well thinking about these things but how do you know which is the right way? I don't want to just learn, I want to put the things I learn into practice! And Lord why can't I hear your voice?" Then its like the words of the Lord just fell on me some sort of revelation, like sweet water to my soul and it went something like this,

"There are many winds out there...lots of different ways of thinking, philosophies, ideologies…..and these winds change with culture and time. There is often truth in these winds. But if you follow these you will be tossed around on the sea….from one idea to the next. But I want you to bend you're ear to the winds and listen to My still small voice...often quieter than all the others. My voice is timeless; it doesn't change with yesterday, today and tomorrow because I AM who I am. When you hear my voice you will know the way you have to go. My voice brings discernment and wisdom. It enables you not to be tossed from one idea to the next...or one neighbours difficulty to the next…..for you will be able to discern what is true and know what path I want you to take. You will know who I want you to draw near to as you learn to increasingly hear my voice."

The following day I received an email from a friend with the scripture Proverbs 19v21, "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."

On Tuesday of this week we heard a talk from the Principle of the college on the Presence of God and listening to Him and waiting in His Presence. I was like "OK Lord I'm getting the message now!" Alan quoted Exodus 33v13-18 and particularly the verse where Moses says, "If your presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here."  He also referred to Gabriel in Luke when he appears to Zechariah (1v18-20) and the angel answered, "I am Gabriel. I stand in the Presence of God...." He said that the Greek for servant means "to stand by". Alan said living in the anointing of God is about learning to 'stand by' in the presence of God. He said "people are in such a hurry that they don't take time to listen...we learn to wait for commodity but not for the Lord." He went on to speak about how there is value in waiting on God. It is a frightening thing because it means your life is not ordered or patterned out! You’re not in control!

He went on to quote Exodus 24v12, "The Lord said to Moses, 'come up to me on the mountain and stay there...."  Let’s not be present but absent to the voice of God. We only come alive by understanding and knowing the voice of God. Alan talked of his experience of ministry and said it is always about being a servant and a true servant learns to stand in the presence of God and partner with him, learning to anticipate what is required.

So is hearing the voice of God all rosy and easy for me now?!!! No certainly not! But My hunger is being awakened again, like the psalmist in chapter 63 v1 who says, “my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.” I want to be like the boy Samuel in 1 Samuel 3 and eagerly say, “Speak God your servant is listening!” Please make me long for Your presence Lord, more than anything else. For Your Voice above all the others. Amen.

I breathe you in God, I choose you

Wow! It is the end of week three of college. It is really strange moving into a different way of life..studying, and moving to a new place and with different people. But I think I'm slowly getting used to it;) I felt quite homesick last week for a few days which surprised me. I was so excited about living in a new place. However I realised what super friends I'd left behind. After all I've been a southerner since I was two! 

This week though I've got plugged into a new church and had an opportunity to practice with the worship team and join a mid week house group. I've also been able to do some wonderful exploring of the countryside and enjoy some facinating lectures. This term I have modules on the 'Old Testament' and 'Spirit and Church in a Mission Context.' I feel like lectures are completely and utterley widening my view-finder in terms of my understanding of scripture, church and the Lord. It's such a priveledge to be studying.

I started blogging about some of these lectures last night but felt God tug at my heart to blog about something closer to home, what he has been stirring inside me these last few weeks. I think it is best summed by two passages I have literally just read a few minutes ago in Rees Howells book 'Intercessor'. Rees originally founded the college when it was in Wales earlier in the 20th century. He says this,

"No natural love is in the same world as His love. It was not merely that the Saviour helped me outside Himself; no, He took my place. I saw every other love so rough in comparison." (page 30)

"He (the Holy Spirit) made it very plain that He would never share my life..... The change He would make was very clear. It meant every bit of my fallen nature was to go to the Cross, and He would bring in His own life and His own nature. It was unconditional surrender" (38-39)

Above describes Rees stages to accepting the Holy Spirit to live in His life,some years after he became a Christian. I recieved the Holy Spirit into my life much earlier than Rees and perhaps I didn't see the reality of the decision I made to recieve Him quite so clearly as Rees did. When the Lord made it evident to Rees the changes that the Spirit would have to make in His life, he spent 5 days on His knees deciding whether to allow the Spirit in!!! As Rees said, "I'd lived in my body for 26 years, and could I easily give it up!?" (p30)

Even if you have received the Holy Spirit at a young age you need to continually surrender to Him and allow His nature and will to absorb every part of you. These last two weeks I have felt, and if I'm honest still feel that my human self is at war with the Spirit over a particular issue in my life. I believe I'm still in the surrendering process regarding this particular matter. I was reminded of these verses in Song of Solomon 
ch 8 v6-7;

"For love is as strong as death,

its jealously unyeileding as the grave.

It burns like a blazing fire,

like a mighty flame. 

Many waters cannot quench love;

rivers cannot wash it away. "

I felt God remind me that only His love is as powerful as the grave and He is jealous for my heart to only desire Him and Him above anything else. He wants me to set Him as a 'seal apon my heart' (Song of Solomon 8v6). He reminded me that as Rees recognised; no natural love and the things of this world can compare with Our Saviour's love. Anything else that takes the place of Jesus is an idol. I feel like God is continually asking me, "Pips I want to be your consuming desire and Only Me....I want you to love me above anything else you desire."

This song below has been capturing my heart over the last few days...especailly the last verse. We choose God and Him alone even when we don't understand our circumstances. That is faith. We don't wait for Him to come through over a matter before we choose Him. (you're probably thinking 'Al you blog about is surrendering to Christ!' It does seem to be that way. Maybe that is what life is all about.) If I could but change one line of this song it would be line 3. I don't think we can change ourselves, we need to be willing to be changed but it is the Holy Spirit that does the deep work in us.
 

"The presence of the Living God
It satisfies the depths of my heart
And all of me I change when you came
And I'm led free by Your glory and grace

And I breathe You in,God
Cos You are there all around me........


The kindness of Your love's pure light
Pierces through the darkest of all night
And everything is possible now
For God is here
And God is good

...........And when I don't understand
I will choose You
And when I dont understand
I will choose to love You, God"

("I breathe you in, God" by Bryan & Katie Torwalt (to play song follow this link)

A new season.....

Well today as I braced against the cold winds on my motorbike I found myself sending silent prayers above for the Lord to quick help me find a garage to check my tyres. Since I got the bike I seem to have had rather a few problems, the latest being a flat tyre. I managed to get the tyre pumped up and hopefully with enough time to find a garage. The one I went to wasn't open so I found myself trying to find another garage with someone's vague directions...leading me outside of the town and into quieter villages. I'd helpfully left my mobile phone charger in Kent at a wedding last weekend and was waiting to pick up another charger sent by parent by post!

Am I crazy i thought? Driving around a town I don't know, with a tyre that might go down at any minute and no phone on me. Was it a sign I was pretty nuts to have a bike in the first place? Probably:) After various wrong turns and mishaps I found myself back at the college, only to notice another garage much closer to home! The guy at the garage reckoned it wasn't a punture but that the tyre wasn't fitted properly and there was a leak on the seal. I'm hoping that the tyre will stay up long enough for me to drive the 12 miles to the garage I bought it from in the next day or too. It seems I need a good old rant with the guy I got it from...who also needs to fit a centre stand (which should have come anyway), and amongst other things find out how to open the seat so I can get the manual out, sort the dashboard which doesn't show when you signal, stop it reverring to 4000 in 1st...etc....... Thank God for a warranty!

However I shouldn't complain cos today I got some great driving done and practice. As I started going outside the town, I enjoyed the sun shining accross the meadows and the amazing feel of the wind, the best bit about riding. It was also an amazing gift to have been bought the bike, something I couldn't have done alone.

So though I wasted a morning of study I am thankful that the Lord was with me and I managed to get plenty done this afternoon. So yes I have moved up north. I'm now studying theology and live in central England. I'm enjoying the change from work though I did enjoy working in Psychiatry. Living in a new place also means new places to explore and new people to meet. The Bible college is in a great little town and shares a building with a church which I've enjoyed attending so far. There are only about 20 people in all three years - two thirds of which commute in, some from quite far as all the lectures are on Monday and Tuesday. The rest of the time is ministry experience and self directed study. As the course is non-residential, people live in and around the town. I'm staying with a lovely girl who is similar in age and we seem to have a lot of things in common.

Now that freshers week is finished and the studying begins I'm beginning to take stock of where I am. Having 3 days of the week away from lectures means you do have to be organised with your time so you do study. It also means a challenge for building community when so many live away from the town. There are only about 7 of us that actually live locally. Some of us are meeting for coffee tomorrow which will be nice, and perhaps think too about how we can continue to meet in the week when we are not in lectures, to keep up community and compare how we are getting on in our studies.

Today I recieved a lovely gift in the post. A beautifully done album of black and white photos of the town down south, where I've come from. It choked me up inside to see such a precious gift made by two friends of mine. It also bought home to me what great friends I have back home. I had to remind myself that getting to know firends in new places takes time (after all I've only been here two weeks!) so not to feel sad about leaving but look forward to new adventures, knowing I will be able to keep in touch with my exisiting friends too.

Well now I think I'll settle down to a non-academic book for the evening, Amber the cat is doing little snores next to me on the sofa, completely confused by this added addition to the household!

Right willing is a foundation for right knowing

Over the last week I've been thinking particularly about the will of God and the Glory of God. I listened to a sermon by John Piper (Willing God's Will.............) which revealed a part of scripture to me I'd previously rushed over, and set me thinking on the subject of my will, God's will and how we can know truth, and what a revelation I found!

I don't know about you, but I love to think and reason through things. God doesn't go against attaining knowledge or using our brains but with reason and rationality comes this basis of thought, 'If I can work through this problem I will know the truth!'  But you know something Jesus seems to say in John ch 7 v 1 - 24 that our knowing and working things out has little to do with knowing what is true! In fact Jesus turns it all on its head as he so often does!

In John Ch7 v 14 - 18 it says Jesus went up into the temple to teach and the Jews marvelled saying "How is it that this man has learning, when he has never studied?" So Jesus answered them, "My teaching is not mine, but he who sent me. If anyone's will is to do God's will, he will know whether the teaching is from God or whether I am speaking on my own authority. The one who speaks on his own authority seeks his own glory; but the one who seeks the glory of him who sent him is true, and in him there is no falsehood."

So what is this passage saying to me? The bottom line is this:
'Before you can know Christ and that he is true, you're will must be in alignment with His. And your desire must be to exhort Him above yourself.' 

The Jews in this passage are so like we are today when it comes to leaders, pastors, celebrities.  They marvelled at Jesus because he did miracles (7v3), because he sounded learned (v15). They only saw the shell. So often we do the same, we see a great pastor speaking and think 'His teaching is very learned...he is very intellectual....he speaks very articulately!' We see a beautiful worship singer we say 'how beautiful she is, what an amazing voice.' We see celebrities and envy their looks. We compare ourselves to these standards. In our natural humanness we are 'shell seekers' as John Piper put it.  And we crave for praise. I don't know about you but I used to be such a people pleaser. I still can be sometimes, can't we all? But often people pleasing has a hidden motive. It's about self-exhortation. We want to be liked. 

But this is where Jesus is different. He didn't care about being 'liked.' He said to his brothers in 7v6-7,"the world cannot hate you" (cos they were people pleasers!) but he said of himself that the world, " hates me because I testify about it that its works are evil." And the great thing about Jesus is he didn't have an academic qualification, he spoke truth and was truth. Sometimes we seek for beauty and intellect. But neither of these things can bring us to God in themselves. We can be impressed by teachers and speakers, and by their words but not touched by the truth at all. Scary thought. 

In the Bible it says that God doesn't care one jot about our outward shell. 1 Samuel 16 v 6-7  describes Samuel looking at one of David's brothers as they search for a new leader, "When they came, he looked on Eliab and thought, "Surely the Lord's anointed is before him." But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees; man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart." This verse was my favourite as a child and teenager and I believe God gave it to me for good reason. I was crippled by comparing myself to others. By the beautiful girls in my youth group, by the intelligent people on my courses and God taught me a precious thing, 'I take no value, absolutely no value in those things. What I care about is your heart.'

Jesus modelled the perfect manhood. In John 7v16 he says this, "my teaching is not mine but he who sent me." This blew me away! So here is Jesus, son of God, who could have easily said, 'this teaching is mine!' After all He is God! But no, Jesus chose to align himself to God's will in everything, he only desired to give His father glory. Whoah! And he was God's son!! 


So how does that bring us back to the verses above? Why does this all shake me up so much? For this reason: that if I align myself with God's will before anything else...if that is the way that I will know truth and know Him better, it takes me totally and utterly out of control!! Bang go my rational theories, my systematic thinking! 


What am I left with? I'm left with faith, faith to believe that the most important thing for me to do is to align myself to God's will. By giving Him glory above anything else. This is all I need to know and do. This means a huge trust and surrendering going on. No what-ifs, or what if he doesn't show up! It doesn't mean an easy life either. Jesus did the Father's will but people despised Him. But there is a great safety, a great peace, a great joy in being right in God's will, in His arms! I is better than anything else, so much better than doing things through my own might and thinking!


Oh how I need every single day to bring Him glory alone. No wonder he taught us these words first in the Lords prayer, 'Hallowed be thy name, thy will be done, thy kindgdom come on earth as it is in Heaven.' Because everything else hangs on that. In John Piper's Sermon (from much of which this is taken) he suggests that we need to pray these words daily and ask God to help us to desire His will and His glory above anything else. 

Do you ever wonder what is going on with God's timing?

"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven" (Ecclesiastes 3v1)

Do you sometimes look back on a period of time and wonder, "What was that all about, God?" I do! As I filtered through my emails earlier today and realised the majority of it was junk mail, I thought I could do with filtering through the last two weeks in my mind too. The last two weeks have gone by in a bit of a blur. I have  moved the majority of my belongings to two different places, attended a wedding, visited sick friends, prayed over family situations and made a new friend. Lots seems to have gone on and I'm looking forward to the next week of rest and R&R to process and filter through it all. I've not really had time to sit down and spend quality time with God over the last few days but the verse above has been ringing in my head.

I don't know about you but I often associate Ecclesiastes 3 with funerals and find the passage rather depressing. Is the writer of Ecclesiastes an atheist or existentialist? He sometimes expresses some confusing theology. The book reminds me more of 'The Outsider' by Albert Camus than the Bible! However he has a point. There seems to be times when God decides things are meant to happen and times when they are not. In other words his timing is perfect! Sometimes this is absolutely frustrating! Why do I make a new friend down south when I'm about to move up north? Why is my friend sick when I'm moving away from her? Why why why?

I think the writer of Ecclesiastes is reminding us that God knows that there is a time and place for every activity. We may wonder why this thing happened when it did, but he may have another plan, completely different to the one we intended. Maybe even better than we imagined. God only knows and once again what do I have to do??? Trust Him!!! Ahh back to that again. My blog seems to have a repeated theme: Surrender!

Lean not on your own understanding.....

As I was praying and fasting yesterday I found this passage creep into my mind:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." (Proverbs 3: 5-6)

I have been meditating on this verse as I go about doing things and asking myself questions like 'What does it mean to really trust God?' 'What does it mean to lean on God and not our own understanding?' 'What does it mean by acknowledging Him?'

I'm the sort of person that when I have to think about an important decision I can sometimes find myself relying more on the wisdom of my good friends than going straight to God. Having counsel from others can be important but God wants us to ask Him before anyone else. Often the advice of our own minds and that of others may sound good, great common sense and seem totally rational but the Bible is clear that man's wisdom is not the same as ours . In fact in 1Cor 3:19 it says, "the wisdom of this world is foolishness with (or to) God." That means that the counsel of God and His wisdom may not seem wise to the world and those around you. God thinks differently.

So what does it mean to acknowledge God? I think it means to recognise his presence and sovereignty over all things. As we worship Him and lift our eyes off ourselves and the decisions we have to make, we are laying ourselves open to recieving His wisdom and direction. Sometimes this makes us vulnerable and we will be asking questions like "will He really speak to me?" but God loves us to spend time in His presence and so desire His wisdom above all else. Even as we focus on His glory and praise Him we are looking away from ourselves.

In the Bible wisdom is closely associated with the fear of God, "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding" (Prov 9v10). I don't think this is a fear that makes us run away from the Lord like a scared rabbit! It's a spirit of reverance and awe and desire to do what He wants above anything else. Proverbs 3 goes on to explain that Wisdom is worth far more than worldly riches (v13-14), it brings life, peace and health (16-18, 22), and that the wisdom from God also allows you to walk securely without fear (v23-26) so your sleep is sweet because your confidence is in Christ (v26). Wisdom from above always ultimately glorifies God and not man (1 Cor 1v17, 2 v 1,4,7). Wisdom from above is also extremely powerful. It says that by wisdom God created the world (Jer 51v15) and that having wisdom is better than weapons of war! (Ecc 9v18).

So how do we recieve more godly wisdom? Well, the bible includes it amongst the spiritual gifts in 1 Corinthinas 12v8 and clearly states that it is a gift from God. However we can all ask the Lord for more wisdom and the bible says its something that we should certainly seek (James 1:5). Wisdom appears to be also given to the humble and not the proud (Jer 9v23, James 3v13) so my prayer is that I will have a contrite heart and learn to come to Jesus assured that He knows best and not me!

Spiritual conviction is about a tugging of the heart

Gosh I haven't blogged for so long! I've missed the opportunity to write and express thoughts and ideas and musings. Life becomes so busy sometimes there is little time for writing.

This week I've been thinking about the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Often I think we can assume that the Holy Spirit speaks through our mind, that its synonymous with our conscience. When I first became a Christian I assumed the Spirit would speak through my mind. But though he can use our mind to convict, I don't think we should rely on our conscience all the time. Our minds are a busy place, not only influenced by the Lord but by other forces....the morals we have been brought up with, popular culture, the evil one...When we understand the Spirit and learn to live by the promptings of the spirit we will recognise a heart and soul tugging as our witness of the Lords promptings.

It talks in the New Testament about the Sword of the Spirit. In Ephesians 6v7 Paul writes "take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." In Hebrews 4v12 it is written "for the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."

You see the Spirit is not just the written Bible sitting on our laps it’s the truth of the word penetrating the very depths of us...the thoughts and attitudes of our hearts. It makes me think of the image in Ezekial 3v1where the angel of the Lord said to Ezekial, "Son of man, eat what is before you, eat this scroll; then go and speak to the house of Israel." The word has to be in us by the Spirit. Have you recieved the truth of the Word through the Spirit like that?

So often the Church and Christian culture is so full of popular culture that we no longer live by the promptings of the Spirit. Our minds our full of the cultural norm and we don't know what is right or wrong or holy living. This is why we need the Spirit. Without the Spirit scripture and the truth are just words, churches are just business and relationships are not communities and environments where we are living out Spirit filled lives.

So what is the answer? How do we live Spirit full lives that our holy? I think the Lord has been speaking to me a lot about clothing myself in Him. Reading Colossians 3 and Ephesians 6 has made me think about the importance of regularly clothing myself with the armour of God. Ephesians 6v12 says clearly that our battle is not against flesh and blood but the powers of this dark world. Sometimes I go to work and I feel that oppression of the world around me. It is not in my imagination, it’s real and that’s why I need the clothing of the Spirit and the armour of God as my protection.

 You see once we know Christ I believe we already have that Christ like clothing readily available. In Colosians 3 it starts "since then you have been raised with Christ"...note the 'have' this is something that has already been done!  We need to remind ourselves daily 'You belong to Jesus, you are filled with his Spirit because you have been raised with Christ!' And that clothing...those spiritual fruits of compassion and peace and truth etc..can so often get left in the wardrobe. We go out into our daily lives without the knowledge of the Spirits presence because we haven't daily clothed ourselves in resting before Him. So lets believe the truth that we are saved and walk in the Spirit and allow him to convict and comfort and strengthen us and so become more Christ-like.