I breathe you in God, I choose you

Wow! It is the end of week three of college. It is really strange moving into a different way of life..studying, and moving to a new place and with different people. But I think I'm slowly getting used to it;) I felt quite homesick last week for a few days which surprised me. I was so excited about living in a new place. However I realised what super friends I'd left behind. After all I've been a southerner since I was two! 

This week though I've got plugged into a new church and had an opportunity to practice with the worship team and join a mid week house group. I've also been able to do some wonderful exploring of the countryside and enjoy some facinating lectures. This term I have modules on the 'Old Testament' and 'Spirit and Church in a Mission Context.' I feel like lectures are completely and utterley widening my view-finder in terms of my understanding of scripture, church and the Lord. It's such a priveledge to be studying.

I started blogging about some of these lectures last night but felt God tug at my heart to blog about something closer to home, what he has been stirring inside me these last few weeks. I think it is best summed by two passages I have literally just read a few minutes ago in Rees Howells book 'Intercessor'. Rees originally founded the college when it was in Wales earlier in the 20th century. He says this,

"No natural love is in the same world as His love. It was not merely that the Saviour helped me outside Himself; no, He took my place. I saw every other love so rough in comparison." (page 30)

"He (the Holy Spirit) made it very plain that He would never share my life..... The change He would make was very clear. It meant every bit of my fallen nature was to go to the Cross, and He would bring in His own life and His own nature. It was unconditional surrender" (38-39)

Above describes Rees stages to accepting the Holy Spirit to live in His life,some years after he became a Christian. I recieved the Holy Spirit into my life much earlier than Rees and perhaps I didn't see the reality of the decision I made to recieve Him quite so clearly as Rees did. When the Lord made it evident to Rees the changes that the Spirit would have to make in His life, he spent 5 days on His knees deciding whether to allow the Spirit in!!! As Rees said, "I'd lived in my body for 26 years, and could I easily give it up!?" (p30)

Even if you have received the Holy Spirit at a young age you need to continually surrender to Him and allow His nature and will to absorb every part of you. These last two weeks I have felt, and if I'm honest still feel that my human self is at war with the Spirit over a particular issue in my life. I believe I'm still in the surrendering process regarding this particular matter. I was reminded of these verses in Song of Solomon 
ch 8 v6-7;

"For love is as strong as death,

its jealously unyeileding as the grave.

It burns like a blazing fire,

like a mighty flame. 

Many waters cannot quench love;

rivers cannot wash it away. "

I felt God remind me that only His love is as powerful as the grave and He is jealous for my heart to only desire Him and Him above anything else. He wants me to set Him as a 'seal apon my heart' (Song of Solomon 8v6). He reminded me that as Rees recognised; no natural love and the things of this world can compare with Our Saviour's love. Anything else that takes the place of Jesus is an idol. I feel like God is continually asking me, "Pips I want to be your consuming desire and Only Me....I want you to love me above anything else you desire."

This song below has been capturing my heart over the last few days...especailly the last verse. We choose God and Him alone even when we don't understand our circumstances. That is faith. We don't wait for Him to come through over a matter before we choose Him. (you're probably thinking 'Al you blog about is surrendering to Christ!' It does seem to be that way. Maybe that is what life is all about.) If I could but change one line of this song it would be line 3. I don't think we can change ourselves, we need to be willing to be changed but it is the Holy Spirit that does the deep work in us.
 

"The presence of the Living God
It satisfies the depths of my heart
And all of me I change when you came
And I'm led free by Your glory and grace

And I breathe You in,God
Cos You are there all around me........


The kindness of Your love's pure light
Pierces through the darkest of all night
And everything is possible now
For God is here
And God is good

...........And when I don't understand
I will choose You
And when I dont understand
I will choose to love You, God"

("I breathe you in, God" by Bryan & Katie Torwalt (to play song follow this link)