Many winds but One Voice

I've been thinking this week about listening to God's voice and the Presence of God. I've been feeling a bit spiritually dry the last few weeks and struggling to hear the Lords voice. Being in a new environment without the familiarity of people you know well and starting a new course, I've found myself doing a lot of thinking. Thinking about where God is taking me next in life. Thinking about the wonderful things I'm learning on the course. It is easy to find oneself drifting into thinking about the future or abstract things and not enjoying the moment.

Last weekend I was wrestling with lots of ideas about engaging with community and mission and what I'd read and heard about this. Whatever I do in the future I want to learn to engage with my community. To live out the gospel not with words but action, with everyday people on the street, my neighbours, the sick, the tired, the poor (spiritually, physically…) and whatever community God puts me in. I was thinking about all the different ways of doing community and wrestling with all the different ideologies I'd been learning in my module on Spirit and Church in a Mission Context. I'd been researching different approaches to church; seeker-sensitive, New Monasticism etc.. and also looking at Church history and its affect on mission and New Testament passages on these things. It was all fascinating stuff. But one night I realised "I just need your voice Lord!"

I found myself saying, "Lord its all very well thinking about these things but how do you know which is the right way? I don't want to just learn, I want to put the things I learn into practice! And Lord why can't I hear your voice?" Then its like the words of the Lord just fell on me some sort of revelation, like sweet water to my soul and it went something like this,

"There are many winds out there...lots of different ways of thinking, philosophies, ideologies…..and these winds change with culture and time. There is often truth in these winds. But if you follow these you will be tossed around on the sea….from one idea to the next. But I want you to bend you're ear to the winds and listen to My still small voice...often quieter than all the others. My voice is timeless; it doesn't change with yesterday, today and tomorrow because I AM who I am. When you hear my voice you will know the way you have to go. My voice brings discernment and wisdom. It enables you not to be tossed from one idea to the next...or one neighbours difficulty to the next…..for you will be able to discern what is true and know what path I want you to take. You will know who I want you to draw near to as you learn to increasingly hear my voice."

The following day I received an email from a friend with the scripture Proverbs 19v21, "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."

On Tuesday of this week we heard a talk from the Principle of the college on the Presence of God and listening to Him and waiting in His Presence. I was like "OK Lord I'm getting the message now!" Alan quoted Exodus 33v13-18 and particularly the verse where Moses says, "If your presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here."  He also referred to Gabriel in Luke when he appears to Zechariah (1v18-20) and the angel answered, "I am Gabriel. I stand in the Presence of God...." He said that the Greek for servant means "to stand by". Alan said living in the anointing of God is about learning to 'stand by' in the presence of God. He said "people are in such a hurry that they don't take time to listen...we learn to wait for commodity but not for the Lord." He went on to speak about how there is value in waiting on God. It is a frightening thing because it means your life is not ordered or patterned out! You’re not in control!

He went on to quote Exodus 24v12, "The Lord said to Moses, 'come up to me on the mountain and stay there...."  Let’s not be present but absent to the voice of God. We only come alive by understanding and knowing the voice of God. Alan talked of his experience of ministry and said it is always about being a servant and a true servant learns to stand in the presence of God and partner with him, learning to anticipate what is required.

So is hearing the voice of God all rosy and easy for me now?!!! No certainly not! But My hunger is being awakened again, like the psalmist in chapter 63 v1 who says, “my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water.” I want to be like the boy Samuel in 1 Samuel 3 and eagerly say, “Speak God your servant is listening!” Please make me long for Your presence Lord, more than anything else. For Your Voice above all the others. Amen.

I breathe you in God, I choose you

Wow! It is the end of week three of college. It is really strange moving into a different way of life..studying, and moving to a new place and with different people. But I think I'm slowly getting used to it;) I felt quite homesick last week for a few days which surprised me. I was so excited about living in a new place. However I realised what super friends I'd left behind. After all I've been a southerner since I was two! 

This week though I've got plugged into a new church and had an opportunity to practice with the worship team and join a mid week house group. I've also been able to do some wonderful exploring of the countryside and enjoy some facinating lectures. This term I have modules on the 'Old Testament' and 'Spirit and Church in a Mission Context.' I feel like lectures are completely and utterley widening my view-finder in terms of my understanding of scripture, church and the Lord. It's such a priveledge to be studying.

I started blogging about some of these lectures last night but felt God tug at my heart to blog about something closer to home, what he has been stirring inside me these last few weeks. I think it is best summed by two passages I have literally just read a few minutes ago in Rees Howells book 'Intercessor'. Rees originally founded the college when it was in Wales earlier in the 20th century. He says this,

"No natural love is in the same world as His love. It was not merely that the Saviour helped me outside Himself; no, He took my place. I saw every other love so rough in comparison." (page 30)

"He (the Holy Spirit) made it very plain that He would never share my life..... The change He would make was very clear. It meant every bit of my fallen nature was to go to the Cross, and He would bring in His own life and His own nature. It was unconditional surrender" (38-39)

Above describes Rees stages to accepting the Holy Spirit to live in His life,some years after he became a Christian. I recieved the Holy Spirit into my life much earlier than Rees and perhaps I didn't see the reality of the decision I made to recieve Him quite so clearly as Rees did. When the Lord made it evident to Rees the changes that the Spirit would have to make in His life, he spent 5 days on His knees deciding whether to allow the Spirit in!!! As Rees said, "I'd lived in my body for 26 years, and could I easily give it up!?" (p30)

Even if you have received the Holy Spirit at a young age you need to continually surrender to Him and allow His nature and will to absorb every part of you. These last two weeks I have felt, and if I'm honest still feel that my human self is at war with the Spirit over a particular issue in my life. I believe I'm still in the surrendering process regarding this particular matter. I was reminded of these verses in Song of Solomon 
ch 8 v6-7;

"For love is as strong as death,

its jealously unyeileding as the grave.

It burns like a blazing fire,

like a mighty flame. 

Many waters cannot quench love;

rivers cannot wash it away. "

I felt God remind me that only His love is as powerful as the grave and He is jealous for my heart to only desire Him and Him above anything else. He wants me to set Him as a 'seal apon my heart' (Song of Solomon 8v6). He reminded me that as Rees recognised; no natural love and the things of this world can compare with Our Saviour's love. Anything else that takes the place of Jesus is an idol. I feel like God is continually asking me, "Pips I want to be your consuming desire and Only Me....I want you to love me above anything else you desire."

This song below has been capturing my heart over the last few days...especailly the last verse. We choose God and Him alone even when we don't understand our circumstances. That is faith. We don't wait for Him to come through over a matter before we choose Him. (you're probably thinking 'Al you blog about is surrendering to Christ!' It does seem to be that way. Maybe that is what life is all about.) If I could but change one line of this song it would be line 3. I don't think we can change ourselves, we need to be willing to be changed but it is the Holy Spirit that does the deep work in us.
 

"The presence of the Living God
It satisfies the depths of my heart
And all of me I change when you came
And I'm led free by Your glory and grace

And I breathe You in,God
Cos You are there all around me........


The kindness of Your love's pure light
Pierces through the darkest of all night
And everything is possible now
For God is here
And God is good

...........And when I don't understand
I will choose You
And when I dont understand
I will choose to love You, God"

("I breathe you in, God" by Bryan & Katie Torwalt (to play song follow this link)

A new season.....

Well today as I braced against the cold winds on my motorbike I found myself sending silent prayers above for the Lord to quick help me find a garage to check my tyres. Since I got the bike I seem to have had rather a few problems, the latest being a flat tyre. I managed to get the tyre pumped up and hopefully with enough time to find a garage. The one I went to wasn't open so I found myself trying to find another garage with someone's vague directions...leading me outside of the town and into quieter villages. I'd helpfully left my mobile phone charger in Kent at a wedding last weekend and was waiting to pick up another charger sent by parent by post!

Am I crazy i thought? Driving around a town I don't know, with a tyre that might go down at any minute and no phone on me. Was it a sign I was pretty nuts to have a bike in the first place? Probably:) After various wrong turns and mishaps I found myself back at the college, only to notice another garage much closer to home! The guy at the garage reckoned it wasn't a punture but that the tyre wasn't fitted properly and there was a leak on the seal. I'm hoping that the tyre will stay up long enough for me to drive the 12 miles to the garage I bought it from in the next day or too. It seems I need a good old rant with the guy I got it from...who also needs to fit a centre stand (which should have come anyway), and amongst other things find out how to open the seat so I can get the manual out, sort the dashboard which doesn't show when you signal, stop it reverring to 4000 in 1st...etc....... Thank God for a warranty!

However I shouldn't complain cos today I got some great driving done and practice. As I started going outside the town, I enjoyed the sun shining accross the meadows and the amazing feel of the wind, the best bit about riding. It was also an amazing gift to have been bought the bike, something I couldn't have done alone.

So though I wasted a morning of study I am thankful that the Lord was with me and I managed to get plenty done this afternoon. So yes I have moved up north. I'm now studying theology and live in central England. I'm enjoying the change from work though I did enjoy working in Psychiatry. Living in a new place also means new places to explore and new people to meet. The Bible college is in a great little town and shares a building with a church which I've enjoyed attending so far. There are only about 20 people in all three years - two thirds of which commute in, some from quite far as all the lectures are on Monday and Tuesday. The rest of the time is ministry experience and self directed study. As the course is non-residential, people live in and around the town. I'm staying with a lovely girl who is similar in age and we seem to have a lot of things in common.

Now that freshers week is finished and the studying begins I'm beginning to take stock of where I am. Having 3 days of the week away from lectures means you do have to be organised with your time so you do study. It also means a challenge for building community when so many live away from the town. There are only about 7 of us that actually live locally. Some of us are meeting for coffee tomorrow which will be nice, and perhaps think too about how we can continue to meet in the week when we are not in lectures, to keep up community and compare how we are getting on in our studies.

Today I recieved a lovely gift in the post. A beautifully done album of black and white photos of the town down south, where I've come from. It choked me up inside to see such a precious gift made by two friends of mine. It also bought home to me what great friends I have back home. I had to remind myself that getting to know firends in new places takes time (after all I've only been here two weeks!) so not to feel sad about leaving but look forward to new adventures, knowing I will be able to keep in touch with my exisiting friends too.

Well now I think I'll settle down to a non-academic book for the evening, Amber the cat is doing little snores next to me on the sofa, completely confused by this added addition to the household!