· Someone who desires to be patient and self controlled in the relationship by taking time to get to know you. This doesn’t mean just not rushing into the physical (your probably thinking about all those youth group talks too!) It’s also guarding their emotions by not sharing your deepest desires and thoughts too quickly! See passages below which highlight the importance of having a character that is self-controlled..
· They will be seeking to develop a godly character by the transforming work of the Holy Spirit (and not their own might!). They will see this as more important than developing their gifts and talents. Something I’m learning is that the Bible is clear that character is more important than gifts and talents. Time and time again men and woman in leadership positions, even with amazing spiritual gifts have fallen away behind the scenes because the character stuff is lacking. I think of it like a beautiful blossom tree. People see the blossom first, i.e. the gifting but the branches of the tree are only there because of the trunk supporting it i.e. the character. If you have a strong leadership position or gifting but a weak trunk, your ministry or gifting may well topple because the tree is not supported by those godly characteristics outlined below. Often gifting is the stuff we see in the public arena but character is in the private places so work on your relationship with God in the private places first! That is your relationship with God in the private places before your relationship with God on Sunday mornings. Your relationship with your close family and friends before those who see you in a public arena. Oh how we need God to therefore transform our characters by His Holy Spirit so we can be made more into His likeness!
· In the Bible it says the gifts and call of men are without repentance (Romans 11v29.) 1 Corin 13v1 and 8 is clear that we can speak in tongues of angels and prophecy but these will cease whereas love never does. In fact v1 implies that you can speak in tongues of angels and not have love. You might think ‘but that person has an amazing gifting!’ Don’t just go for the gifting if you’re looking for a relationship. Ask yourself what are their character traits and how does this show in the fruit of their relationships with others. For love and the fruits of the Spirit endure when a man or woman is leading a godly life whereas gifting can still carry on even when a man or woman has fallen in the things of God. The Bible is clear that godly men and women and particularly godly leaders need to demonstrate a sound character before anything else. If you want to look more into this check out what the bible says about the characteristics of godly men and women in the following passages. What I noticed is that none of these passages said, ‘he or she must be an amazing speaker, prophecy well, worship excellently.’ Instead they highlight the enduring character traits that are required e.g. self control, being temperate, worthy of respect, sound in faith, love and endurance, kind, pure, not malicious talkers, trustworthy etc....
- For men in leadership…1 Tim ch 3 v 1- 10, 12-13
- For men in the church.. Titus 2v1-2 and 6-8
- For women in the church..1 Tim ch3v11, Titus 2v3-5, 1 Tim 2v9 (note in 1 Tim 2v9 when it talks about modest dress it is not saying its wrong to wear nice clothes. The woman in Proverbs 31v22 was dressed in fine purple clothes. I think God just wants us to know that having a beautiful, God desiring heart is of more importance than outward appearance..see 1 Samuel 16v7).
- For both men and women– Titus 2v11-15 and 2 Tim 2 v22-26
· Look for someone who desires greater humility because humility is protection against so many ungodly characteristics. Someone who doesn’t act like they know it all but has the humility to say, “I’m sorry I was wrong” and accept rebuke and correction with grace.
· Look for someone who seeks after righteousness.The bible is so clear that this is of greater importance than gifting and outward things. For righteosness guards the man (or woman) of integrity (Prov 13v6)
God is clear in this passage that as Christians we are the temple of the Holy Spirit (v19) and we are ‘not our own.’ Paul gives this illustration “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unit them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with him in body? For it is said, ‘the two will become one flesh’ But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in Spirit. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his own body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own, you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your body.”
I would argue, using this illustration that sexual union is a spiritual as well as a physical act. That as a consequence there is something that happens in that intimate place that we must keep for marriage therefore. Does that mean we can do as much as we like as long as we don’t go ‘all the way’. By no means! We are the temple of the Holy Spirit and let us not get into ‘sexual immorality’. Keep the sacred and the intimate for marriage!
But remember God is a redemptive and forgiving God. If you’re reading this and know you’ve messed up in any of the areas outlined i.e. not guarding yours or others hearts emotionally, physically, mentally. (By the way we all have in at least one of these areas!) Remember God can heal and forgive our damaged hearts and our mistakes by the power of the Holy Spirit. Lets ask God to help us to keep ourselves holy and not repeat our past mistakes by leaning on the great guidance of the Holy Spirit.
Wow! You may be thinking this is all rather a tall order! I’m writing this blog entry as someone who has struggled to guard my heart and am learning that I need to be character stretched and humbled! So by all means I’m still working through all of these things too!
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