'Above all else, guard your heart’ (Part 1)

 "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." (Proverbs 4:23)

Are you good at guarding your heart? Do you know what it means to guard your heart anyway? I've been asking myself these questions. I tend to be a very transparent and open person. In the right context this is ok but there are times and seasons when we particularly need to guard our hearts and I am learning this! 'Guard your heart' is a phrase I've read about in Christian books (though it’s not normally taught on in churches much) but I really wanted to know what does the Bible say? So I had an explore...

Let me outline a few passages in addition to the one above. I will be looking at this in two blog entries. First of all at, 'What might an unguarded heart look like?  Then 'What might a guarded heart look like?  (we will look in terms of guarding our own hearts and that of others in relationships generally). Then we will look at relationships with the opposite sex and issues around guarding the heart there. In part two blog entry I will look at 'How to look for someone who will guard your heart and who demonstrates godly characteristics?' Guys in terms of the 'guarding your heart' aspect, your probably thinking ‘this is just for women’ but please you need to know that we tick differently and this is important for you to know too.

An unguarded heart or a heart that does not guard that of others

A definition: An unguarded heart will give themselves away easily to people they don’t know well and may encourage others to do the same. They will too quickly open up about their deepest desires and thoughts (emotionally, mentally and/or physically) to people they do not yet know and can trust (i.e. they have taken time to build a relationship with). Don’t get me wrong in the right context it is good to share things but as it says in Ecclesiastes Ch 3 there is a time and place for everything.

The bible is clear that we need to be careful about what we say because “out of the overflow of our heart, our mouths speak” (Luke ch6 v45). That is if we speak too rashly we can cause damage. We’ve all done it. We’ve all gossiped, let out a secret we shouldn’t or just said more than we should have. In Proverbs 13:3 it says “He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.” In Ecclesiastes it is clear that a "wise heart will know the proper time and procedure…for every matter."  (8v5-6) Lets ask God to give us wisdom about the right time and ask that we will not be hasty in our hearts to utter anything before God (Ecc 5v2-3). Remember what we say before man is also before God for nothing in all creation is hidden from his sight (Heb 4v13). 

An unguarded heart can be hot-headed and reckless (Prov 14v16) and can demonstrate, at times, characteristics opposite to the fruits of the spirit (Gal 5 and 1 cor 13). An unguarded heart, for example, might show characteristics of impulsivity, lack self control and be selfish in guarding not only their own hearts but that of others.

So what does a guarded heart look like and a heart that guards others?

A definition: A guarded heart is someone who guards their own hearts and that of others (mentally, emotionally, spiritually and bodily).

A guarded heart treasures things up and speaks to the Lord about them first before others. In Luke Ch 2 we are told that Mary treasured things in her heart first. A guarded heart seeks God first and not man for wisdom and enlightenment (Eph 1v8). A guarded heart seeks counsel from those they can trust and have spiritual wisdom. They will take time over important decisions, weighing them up.

A guarded heart will want to seek purity in their lives and in their treatment of others (Matt 5v8). A guarded heart will want to put God first and love Him before relationships (plutonic or not) - Deut 6v4. A guarded heart is aware that nothing is hidden from God’s sight and therefore will be careful about their actions and words before others. (Heb 4v12-13). 

On to guarding our hearts with the opposite sex

I think guarding your heart is something women talk about more than men (and might I say have a greater understanding of the need to do so!) Why is that? I think because women and men tick differently. Women are more emotional and more trusting so their need to guard their hearts and have others (especially men!) guard them is important. Women can much more easily give their hearts away (this is a generalisation might I say). So guys please be aware of the need to guard ladies hearts!

This is not a subject much talked about in churches but it really needs to be! I’ve been to lots of talks as a youngster on guarding yourself sexually (what you should and shouldn’t do!)  I think it is so much bigger than this though. Guarding your heart includes sexual purity but so much more. Let us take a broader framework to look at this…….

It is much easier to understand not being sexually pure but guarding our hearts (emotionally, mentally and spiritually) is another matter! It can be an enathema for us! I think for Christian guys this can particularly be something they haven’t thought about because again women tick so differently! You see when a woman comes out of a relationship they will miss ‘those conversations’ often more than the physical contact. (I've heard it said that even within marriage, for the woman its often not just the act of making love that is so vital to the intimacy between a man and woman but the cuddles and conversations that go with it!)

If a woman and man overstep the boundaries, the woman will feel that they have left a piece of themselves with that man, not just physically but mentally. So guys please encourage your girls that you are dating to guard their hearts in this area too. What does this look like? It means not sharing too many intimate thoughts and desires too soon in the relationship. It is important to save some things emotionally and mentally for when you are serious and know your going to marry that person. For marriage is not just a sexual union but a sharing of deep intimacies in all areas. You see if the dating doesn't work out you have less to regret then.

So its not wrong to have friends of the opposite sex who you are not dating but just be careful how much you open up to them and how much time your spend with them alone. Often I’ve heard it said in churches “guys and girls shouldn’t go out alone together if their just friends!” I’m not sure this is helpful. It is better to ask oneself, “If I have a friendship with someone of the opposite sex, am I guarding my heart with them and sharing things that really I should with my future boyfriend and husband?” If you are spending lots of alone time it could be that you are. For a guy this is hard to understand but for women it’s an issue. For guys they will have concerns about meeting one on one because of the sexual or physical attraction but for girls it’s emotional too. So be on your guard! 

An example of not guarding your heart emotionally in a relationship (dating or boyfriend/girlfriend) is saying ‘I love you’ too readily and too quickly! Wait until these hormones and chemistry has died out. (In the first few weeks or months it’s a biological fact that they will! Brain scans comparing those in love are very similar to those showing signs of madness because of the chemical levels!). When the endorphins, serotonin and testosterone has calmed down, get to know them in the highs and lows. See them through their colours, then ask yourself ‘Do I love them?’