I haven't written much recently. Time goes before you know it. Being busy stops you having to think too much. Perhaps if I'm honest I've had what they call a 'crisis of faith.' Not lost it but its been on the line, cried over, hashed over, raged over, grieved over, rejoiced over (not all at the same time). Sometimes circumstances bring you to places where you reassess your faith and why you believe what you believe. But in that dark place, seeds grow despite the shadows and faith rises again even if at times it feels so small, like a mustard seed.
One thing that I have been wondering about recently is the purpose of the Church community, why do we go to Church? What is it all about, what is it's purpose? I know the answers we are all supposed to give but when the rubber hits the road or we have had a faith crisis sometimes one asks these questions again. These thoughts have come because I have moved to a different part of the country and am just looking around churches. Initially I didn't really go anywhere for church. Now I church hop a little as I find somewhere to hopefully settle. Often my temptation is to remain a hopper. In a lot of ways it would be easier.
If I am honest some of the most kind, authentic, generous and loving people aren't necessarily in the Church or Christians. I often get more out of my personal quiet-times/relationships with close friends outside the church. Furthermore I find witnessing to those around me more authentic in the pub or at work. Corporate worship I often find like sentimental slush without pauses or breaks and gain more from my personal worship raves in the car during work. Often I find myself switching off in sermons after 15 mins. Sometimes I find people in Churches socially awkward and just down right difficult to engage with (Just being honest).
Personally I think if you want to be entirely fed from Sunday church and have your needs met there you will never get that, and neither should you. Your relationship with God is a relationship, if you only hear from him on Sunday mornings something is wrong. Secondly no church is perfect. At some time or other something will annoy you, after all its made up of human beings who will get hurt and will hurt others.
I am still in transition mode, still have fears about committing to a Church though I have no problem committing to my faith in Jesus. Churches are full of people who can let us down and can be a place in which we are easily hurt. Churches are unfortunately not always the place where the Love of God resides most. That said, neither should I be tempted to hide myself away from Church like I could so easily do.
