10 years ago this month I had a massive bout of sickness which left me off studies for a year, a forced gap year. Even though I was a Christian at the time, I learnt through that experience more of His love and presence. I am still learning this even now and continue to do so. We always need more of His love. I've realised this month that I would actually rather live all that hell again 10 years ago for the difference it made in my relationship with God. I am a different woman now. Through suffering the Holy Spirit changes us. I'm totally different from the person I knew 10 years ago. Yes I knew Jesus then but now I am more whole, closer to God. Perhaps it took me being broken to get me to this place and make me more surrendered to Him. Believe me I'm not all there. God continues to encourage me to surrender and plug deeper into Him and submitting to Him is a continuous process.
For those of you suffering from sickness out there be encouraged. I don't believe that God causes sickness but He can use it to bring us closer. The apostle Paul was the most gifted and intelligent guy around and wrote a large part of the New Testament yet he had a 'thorn in the flesh' - most probably some sort of sickness. However he realised that through his weakness God's power and glory could be more powerfully revealed. He said, "When I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Cor 12v10). Perhaps it was this weakness of his that made him realise that it wasn't about his eloquent or superior wisdom (and he had lots!) but resolving to know nothing except Jesus Christ cruicified and the supernatural power of God (1 Cor v1-5).You see as my good friend Andrew said at a conference this weekend "Freedom from pain should not be our highest goal but glorifying our Lord Jesus." Phew! That's hard stuff! Especially when your going through it but this is truth.
These last 10 years I have been reminded time and time and time again of God's love for me through different circumstances. As a teenager I was an A- type personality, a driven work-aholic who didn't know how to stop and thought their relationship with God was dependant on 'doing.' Not all this doing was necessarily wrong. I was actually reading the Bible in a yearn at the time...but even that was a lot about me 'working' and not enjoying Christ. Sometimes the times when we are broken, desperate, at the end of one's tether is when we realise that ultimately its not about what we do, our theology (or thinking) or even our love for Jesus but HIS LOVE FOR ME AND THE POWER OF THE SPIRIT. 1 John 4 v10 says "This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins."
Why does it take so many life experiences for us to get to the state of dependance?! We are so fickle!!...And guess what the best bit about it is? We can always recieve more and more of God's love! It quite simply never stops! Jesus wants to love us so there is no control left in us, no got-to, have-to, ought-to, must-do. Even in the things of the church! He wants to completely wreck us with his love so we are changed forever. His love is causing me to become a completely different person. I easily over busy myself and go into legalism even now, but God is changing me to become more of a peaceful, relaxed person who is growing to be more confident in who I am in Christ because its not about what I do but HIS LOVE and Jesus' amazing sacrifice on the cross. As I call out to the Holy Spirit again and again He reveals more of God's love to me and more about Jesus' sacrifice.
Don't get me wrong the Bible is clear that we are to live what we preach and not simply sit back and do nothing. The book of James clearly talks about how the way we talk and act is important to God and living righteously is worthy goal. But what we do should be the outpouring of our understanding of His love for us and what He did on the cross... and not the other way round (i.e. we do so we can get a better relationship with God...) You see if we really encounter the love of God, we'll want to live right, walk right, talk right because we can't do anything else! We're that in love with Him that we simply don't want to do anything else!
Spent 10 minutes of your time listening to this song and let the Holy Spirit reveal to you the deep love of God!! See Jesus Culture - How He Loves Us
Let me also take this opportunity to say a HUGE THANK YOU to all those people.. friends, family and church folk who supported me and loved me 10 years ago when I was sick that year. You know who you are! I'm not sure I would have been able to have got through some of this and still be following the Lord if it wasn't for you!
